‘I was only doing what the Fees Office told me guv’

‘If at first you don’t succeed, give up’, might have been good advice to an MP who lamely claimed that his or her purchase of some idiotic luxury was within the rules, but now the, ‘try, try again’ bit has kicked in. The latest fashionable defence is that everything was approved by the Fees Office, whether for living quarters for the gardener or childminder relative. It also turns out that the failure to declare financial assistance from the taxpayer for filling in your tax form, as part of your earned income, was all the fault of the Green Book itself, which did not take into account the Inland Revenue’s rules.

Three things strike me about this. Firstly, how can we expect any of these characters to run the country when they or their advisers don’t have the ability to apply rules which already apply to all of us? Secondly, how do they find the time to do all this shopping and property dealing? Probably because they are making a pigs ear of running the country. Thirdly, if I had been advised by an accountant that various dealings were all within the law and it then turns out that I have lost my reputation and job and that I now risk a prosecution with penalty payments for arrears, I would sue the accountant.

So all these aggrieved MPs who have apparently been landed in it by the Fees Office should sue the fees office. They might say that they were only doing what they had been told to do by their employers. You would then have to join them as co-defendants. All you would need to do would be to get the names and addresses of all your other colleagues in the House of Commons and issue proceedings against all of them in person (yourself included) or at their principal residence. Are, I thought there would be a snag....

Going to Market: It must be Tuesday!

I have always liked retail markets. They are so much more interesting than shops. This Tuesday we went to Abergavenny, now our preferred shopping town. The tail backs outside Hereford mean we only go there when we have to. Hay-on-Wye is a favourite for many other reasons, but more on that in another article.

Abergavenny has excellent shops and a vibrant market held every Tuesday. Smaller ones are held on other days. Shop staff are friendly, helpful and have time for you. On the way to the barbers I bought the Telegraph for the latest instalment of ‘expenses are us’. The lady at the counter, another customer, and I, were soon saying what we thought about the story.

This topic also arose at the barbers, an excellent establishment which is staffed by local ladies. Some commute over the mountain from places like Blaenavon. Our conversation moved on to ethics, morality and religion. Since the owner’s cat had been put down on Monday we finished on euthanasia for good measure. At the supermarket cash desk I asked the lady what she thought of the expenses story. She too was happy to express a view. Suffice it to say this small vox pop was a universal expression of anger which could see the turnout at elections decline further or increase dramatically.

Eventually I reached the market and met my wife at the cheese stall which also stocks nuts, dried fruit and eggs. While she moved on to a stall selling Greek baklava and olives I nipped over to the music stall. I have yet to visit without being tempted to buy another instrument. However, I settled for a copy of, ‘Digital Music for Dummies’ at £2.50. There are many other of stalls and a host of interesting customers, many of whom travel up from the valleys to join us lot down from the hills.

With markets under threat it is a pity that Farmers Markets have become segregated. In Hereford the Wednesday retail market is a shadow of its former self. The shock of Foot and Mouth seems to have left permanent damage. The planned move of the retail market into the town centre is a good one but without a critical mass it will not achieve the atmosphere which a good market should generate. Perhaps it is time that the regular Farmers Market is also held on a Wednesday alongside a re-vamped retail market.

Dacier